Saisquoi?

I'm going to tell you something that may surprise, shock, or horrify you. My daughter is over two and we're still breastfeeding.

Actually, if you follow me on Twitter, this shouldn't come as a surprise at all.

I may have been very lucky, but I have had very few issues nursing C. She was an excellent eater from the beginning and initially, I received a lot of support. My support network started to wane after I hit the one year mark, but when I told people that the WHO recommends nursing for two years and beyond, and that our health care provider indicated that C would benefit from nursing till at least two due to her asthma, they usually backed off.

Now that she's two, the gloves have started to come off. What was once the best thing I could give my daughter has now somehow become freakish, strange, and stunting--this aspect of our relationship, something she has known since birth, is now deviant and should be eliminated.

A week or two ago, C and I had a really rough spell. It culminated in her ramping up her need/desire to nurse at a time when I did not want to be touched. It was hard. I felt horrible--I felt like I was failing to live up to what she needed because I needed space from her. Her reaction was to cling to me as tightly as possible. So, I asked for help in an online breastfeeding forum I've participated in since C was born. Specifically, I said that I believe in child-led weaning, that I fully intend to let C wean herself when she is ready, but that I'm having problems setting limits because she's refusing and I'm tired and frustrated. Please Help.

While I did get some virtual hugs and sympathy, the lion's share of comments were, I once thought as you did and when it got too hard I weaned and we were fine, so you should wean too.

Um...no.

This is not to say that for all people weaning is wrong. In our situation I feel to the very depth of my soul that weaning would be the absolute wrong thing to do at this point in time. I know that the reason she clings is because she needs more; my problem was that I didn't have more to give her and I didn't know how to fix the balance.

I was told that nursing is a relationship--when it's no longer working for both parties it should end. Again, while this might be true for some people, this isn't exactly what I want to teach my daughter about relationships. I want her to know that relationships can be hard, but that doesn't mean they're broken--it doesn't mean they have to end. Often, in improving communication and in making changes, the relationship can be improved and made stronger...better...than it was before. That's what I wanted and needed to hear.

I did hear it...from another online friend and from my LLL leader. I learned that what I'm feeling is not uncommon among mothers who are nursing toddlers and preschoolers. Most importantly, I learned different ways of approaching the limits I needed to set with C, and when to allow those limits to relax.

So, why this huge story about my deviant parenting techniques? Because I'm really starting to realize how little support mothers, and perhaps parents in general, receive from their communities--the community at large and even specific parenting communities. Why was the answer to my difficulties with C "wean now, you hippie freak?" Even hearing, "You know, sometimes toddlers are just really needy; it doesn't last forever," would have offered me more of the support I needed at a very difficult time.


The experience has brought home the importance of recognizing that we don't know what's going on in other people's families and that the miracle cure in one home may not achieve the desired results in another. The breastfeeding and cosleeping that have been vital to my parenting and my relationship with C will not necessarily work the same way in other households. I need to respect that when I share my experiences or my reasons for doing the things that I do. I'm happy to hear of the experiences and reasons why other parents choose to do what they do. What I don't like, and what I don't find supportive, is the notion that this worked for me and it will work for everyone--you'll be so much happier when you wean/sleep train/etc. like we did.

That old adage about the village raising the child is true. I bet it will be easier if we base our village on Sesame Street rather than Witch Trial Era Salem.

So, I knew today was going to have a few snags. Any morning that begins with an 8:00 AM booster shot for your toddler has the potential for...high drama. I figured I was just exceptionally lucky when we made it out of the doctor's office with no screaming and only a small meltdown when I left her at school.

I went off to work and tried really hard to focus. It being the day after a very long weekend, my brain had a really hard time remembering what it is we do to make money. So that was fun. Then I got an e-mail notification that I had a new voice mail message. I checked it. It was for my husband--a woman who I didn't know left an exceptionally vague message, the gist of which was "Long time no see; call me and we'll talk more about...that thing."

I did what any curious wife would do--I googled her. And I came across a listing for a DIVORCE LAWYER. Yeah. Hello, Monday!

As I sat at my desk and felt myself turn into a quivering pile of nauseated self-doubt and panic, I tried really hard to listen to the Voice of Reason. The VOR said things like, I bet she does other things. Like Wills. We need to write up a will and you've been pestering him for 2 years to get it done. Or bankruptcy. Maybe this has something to do with those student loans we thought were cleared up but have perhaps never gone away. All the while, mind you, the Voice of Panic is jumping up and down, yelling DIVORCE LAWYER!! SHE SPECIALIZES IN DIVORCE, SEPARATION, AND CUSTODY ISSUES!!!!

After the VOP took a baseball bat to the VOR and I considered telling my boss I had to leave RIGHT NOW, going and picking up C, and checking us into a hotel somewhere while I found my own divorce lawyer, I decided to call my husband and ask him if he wanted to tell me anything, perhaps about why a DIVORCE LAWYER was calling our house?!

Oh--he says--I got a notice about a hearing regarding a case I worked on in 1997 and I was asking her if she thought I needed to be present, considering I'm no longer a member of the Bar. Didn't I tell you about this? Um, no. No you did not. Oh--he says--the County Court office might be calling, too, because I called them to ask as well. Awesome. Thanks for giving me the heads up on that one.

I'm on my second glass of wine right now. I think I might possibly relax at some point before tomorrow. Perhaps. I may also have another glass of wine.

On a completely unrelated note...I started another blog! If you want to see what I think of one of the daily office readings for the day, come visit me at borderlinedivine.blogspot.com. If you couldn't care less what I think about the Bible, that is all good, too. I'll hopefully be blogging here a bit more regularly...as I've said many a time before.

Like many families in daycare, we've had our run-ins with the modern day scourge of conjunctivitis, or PINK EYE. A week ago Friday, I got a call at 9:30 to please come and pick up C because she had goopy eyes. We called the doctor's office and they prescribed Erythromycin ointment over the phone. We dutifully smeared it in her eyes three times a day for a week. Yesterday, I got a call at 1:30--please come and pick up C because it looks like she has conjunctivitis again (still?).

Because you cannot really fight with daycare over the phone about whether or not the discharge coming from your child's eye is, in fact, PINK EYE, I went and picked her and called the doctor's office. They agreed that she should be seen because the PINK EYE should be gone after a week of antibiotics. But, alas, no appointments. So we could either wait and go this morning or go out to the walk-in/ERgent care clinic. I didn't believe she actually had PINK EYE that needed antibiotics, so we opted for the walk-in, hoping I'd be able to go to work today.

Here's what I wanted to have happen:

Dr: What's the problem?
Me: Goopy eye. She was treated for conjunctivitis last week and finished antibiotics on Thursday. She's had a cold and I think her father has a sinus infection. I wonder if her eyes are just draining from her cold?
Dr: It doesn't look like bacterial conjunctivitis--there would be more drainage if it was. I'll write you a note so she can go back to daycare.

Here's what actually happened:

Dr: What's the problem?
Me: Goopy eye. She was treated for conjunctivitis last week and finished antibiotics on Thursday. She's had a cold and I think her father has a sinus infection. I wonder if her eyes are just draining from her cold?
Dr: It doesn't look like bacterial conjunctivitis. Usually the pus is just running down their cheeks with that. And if her case last week was viral, then the antibiotics wouldn't have done anything for it, anyway. I'll write you a prescription for another 5 days of antibiotics and we'll see what that does.
Me: ?????

So my kid, who the doctor verbally indicated probably does not have bacterial conjunctivitis, has an "official" diagnosis of bacterial conjunctivitis, a different flavor of eye ointment to be applied three times daily for the next five days, and a day off from school. I have a not-actually-sick child and a day off from work. I also have a cold--so, at least one of us is actually sick on our sick day.

I'm hoping to get some knitting done on my Owlet for the Knitting Olympics. I figure if I can finish the neckline tonight and get some work done on the body, I may actually have a shot of finishing by the closing ceremonies.

C also seems to enjoy cooking, so I think we'll do some of that today as well. I'm thinking maybe we'll make meatloaf and mashed potatoes and roasted vegetables for dinner tonight. It's funny. A year ago, she was helping me cook dinner by sleeping in the sling while I baked. Now, she rifles through the cabinets and bangs on pots with a wooden spoon. She's already on her way to becoming an excellent cook, I think.



Or a fine eater.

Yoga class can be a wonderful opportunity for men to meet women. If that's why you're at yoga class, here's a suggestion for you--the pregnant lady wearing the wedding band is probably not the best place to focus your energy. Just a thought...

Why anyone would take lessons from a Sunday School classroom?

I understand that people consider church spaces public spaces, therefore, all that is therein must be public as well. People have used the baskets in the Sunday School room without asking, they have made off with our Christ candle and snuffer, they have moved things around and not moved them back. This is all par for the course. But running off with the cards for the Creation lesson? I don't get it. Why take that?

Totally beyond my capacity for understanding. I give up.