Watermelon Hats and the Cruelty of Women

3:12 PM

A few weeks ago, we were blessed with a snow day. I took the opportunity to be industrious and I knit a hat. This hat, in fact.

I'm not as thrilled with it as I hoped I would be. The idea, I think, was a good one, and the hat is not atrocious. Unfortunately, I didn't have a small enough circular needle, and my attempt to knit this using the "magic loop" method were not as successful as perhaps it could or should have been. I also think I chose poorly in the way I added the "seeds," as I have a couple that threaten to unravel or drop stitches or do other evil things that are simply unacceptable in a hat intended for a small child.

The hat is tiny. I'd guess it would work for 0-3 months. You can adjust it a little with the I-cord tie. Or use the tie to make sure the hat stays on the baby's head. Here's the hat again--this time, on The Beloved's cat, Gabriel. [Note: The cat must be feeling mellow today because he didn't even try to claw my eyes out for this indignity. I hope he isn't getting sick...]

I admit, putting this hat on the cat was cruel, and probably something done in kitty torture camps. In fact, I could probably get kicked out of the ACLU and Amnesty International for this sort of behavior. Or, I could send the picture to Stuff on my Cat and see if it makes this week's "cut." Never mind, though--I digress. The Beloved feels that this hat, in and of itself, is an evil creation and that we should probably bury it in the backyard and never speak of it again. He hasn't even seen the picture of the cat in the hat. (Sorry...that was really bad. I'll try not to do it again.) When shown the completed hat (which I currently refer to as my "prototype," because I intend to knit a better one at some point in the next week or so), all my sweetheart could say was, "Why?"

"Because it's cute."

"You would put that on a baby? You're meaner than I thought. That's terrible. Poor kid can't defend itself and you put that on its head."

So I pondered. In my opinion, it is acceptable--nay, it is necessary that one create or purchase obscenely cute/borderline ridiculous items for babies. Were I to knit a watermelon hat for my husband, my father, or one of my contemporaries, that might show questionable judgment. But for a two-month-old baby girl? Of course she needs a watermelon hat! That goes without saying! My female friends who had the dubious honor of seeing the watermelon hat the day The Beloved confronted me with my supposed cruelty confirm my belief that the hat is, in fact, ridiculously cute and eminently appropriate for an infant. In fact, one could easily get away with making one for a toddler.

The Beloved is still skeptical--only now, it isn't just me. Interest in the watermelon hat has led him to believe that all women are inherently cruel and somehow get off on torturing small children through purchase of cute things. Which of us is right? I'll let you decide. In the meantime, where did I put the pink yarn and the circular needles.....

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