A thought

musings
Yoga class can be a wonderful opportunity for men to meet women. If that's why you're at yoga class, here's a suggestion for you--the pregnant lady wearing the wedding band is probably not the best place to focus your energy. Just a thought...

Updates and such

baby things
Things are still proceeding as they should. Well, more or less. I'm in the process of removing all normal clothes from my closet and dresser as I keep having moments of insanity when I think they'll fit. Ha. I ordered what will likely be most of my maternity wardrobe earlier this week and need to pop down to the post office to pick it up today.

On Wednesday I had a doctor's appointment and it appears the Tadpole is doing better than me. I'm starting to feel little flutters and the occasional kick here and there. Not every day, but it's reassuring when I feel something going on down there that isn't gas.

I, on the other hand, have developed insane hip/lower back pain. I don't know if it's actually sciatica or if it's just something that falls under the pelvic girdle pain umbrella. All I know is that it's unpleasant. By the end of the day I have a very hard time walking or rising from a seated position. I also can't roll over in bed without waking up and swearing. It's fun stuff. Really. Yoga helps somewhat--particularly the Yin Yoga class I take on Saturday mornings which focuses on joints and connective tissue. My midwife suggested I incorporate more yoga into my day. I'm trying to figure out how I'm supposed to assume a yoga position long enough for it to help my hip/back in my cubicle at work. So, while in theory a good idea...not terribly practical for me. At least not right now.

I also failed my one-hour glucose test, which was cause for more swearing. After I get my "special diet" I need to call and schedule the three-hour. Ask me how thrilled I am. I'm seriously beginning to doubt the conventional wisdom that my body was designed for this.

I'm also awaiting results of my AFP test. Seriously, I will happily take the three-hour glucose test (fasting and all) and even gestational diabetes over bad results on that test.

This is not to say that I am not absolutely delighted to be pregnant. I am thankful every day--hip pain, inability to process sugar correctly, and all--for this baby, which I honestly didn't think would happen for the Beloved and I. But I am human--and I wish that at least part of this could be easy. Oh well.

The other problem I'm running into is an absolute inability to knit baby things. The burp cloth and baby hat lie unfinished on the knitting pile and I can't work on them. It's frustrating. Initially, I thought it was exhaustion. But that's mostly gone now, and I really want to knit. But baby things nearly bring on panic attacks. I start them and find myself exhausted almost immediately. It's almost as though I'm afraid of jinxing something. So, I'm not knitting baby things right now. Or spinning the fiber I bought which is intended to make baby things. I'm going to try and pull out the wheel this weekend and just spin...and I'm finishing up the Beloved's Cobblestone Sweater. Pictures if I can find the battery for my camera...

After that, I suppose I can go back to socks, and I've got yarn for a kimono style sweater that I should be able to wear even with my new figure that I may start knitting. After that, I'm out of ideas. Any thoughts on pregnant-lady knits?

Weed Control

church
[An aside before I start this post re: my previous post. Yes, I knew they were going to get bigger. Babies do that. I didn't know they would grow 2-3 cup sizes in 3 months and that the maternity store clerk would make me feel like a circus freak. Anyway. On with the post.]

On Sunday, we had a really interesting discussion/sermon at church about a parable concerning the farmer who sows his field with good seed. In the night, an enemy comes and plants weeds. When the plants begin to grow, the weeds are mixed in with the wheat. The farmer tells his workers to leave the weeds and let the plants grow up together. When it is time to harvest, he will tell the reapers to separate the weeds from the wheat where the weeds will be burned and the wheat will be gathered into barns.

I don't really want to talk about the burning versus gathering into barns, because as far as I can tell, that's not my job. What we focused on in our discussion was the idea of weed control. Most of us...maybe all of us...in our personal and public lives...tend to focus on the weeds amongst the wheat. And when we see those weeds, we want to eradicate them as quickly as possible. But, the more I think about this parable, the more I think this isn't what God is calling us to do. God will separate the weeds from the wheat. Our job is to grow--and we can't grow if we're constantly worrying about separating the good from the bad or the right from the wrong.

Right now, many of the Bishops within the Anglican Communion are gathered at Kent University in England for the 2008 Lambeth Conference. (Official site is here. There are tons of blogs, newspaper articles, etc. providing coverage at different levels if you're interested.) My Bishop wasn't invited. He's in the area, anyway, meeting with folk who will meet with him (you can read about his experience at his blog, if you're interested), and doing what he can from the sidelines. Several other Bishops from around the world have also decided not to attend the conference because they consider themselves to be in impaired communion with the "liberal" Anglican church--particularly the Episcopal Church USA (ECUSA) and with Canterbury.

The more I think about it, the more it all strikes me as weed control. And it makes me very sad. Should we all agree? Hell no. There will always be conservatives, liberals, evangelicals, etc. It's part of what makes the Communion interesting and diverse. It's good to have opposing viewpoints. It's not good that people feel these oppositions are so strong that we can no longer meet together. Am I biased? Yes. My Bishop, and by extension my Diocese, has been excluded from the table. My understanding of Jesus' teachings are not about exclusion but about inclusion...about welcome. We're talking about a guy who hung out with women, tax collectors, lepers, and other undesirables. Someone who questioned the teachings, rules, and regulations of his day. Someone who got in a lot of trouble.

But this is just my reading of the Bible. I suppose I'll find out if I'm wheat or weed at the end. Until then, all I can do is grow and do the best I can. And pray. For my Bishop, for the Bishops at Lambeth, for those who stayed home, and for the rest of us who live and work in an imperfect world.

Holy Cow

pregnancy
So, today I went maternity shopping. I didn't buy very much, because my aunt recently dropped off a number of lightweight dresses without waists, which I hope will see me through the end of the summer. But the time has come that my regular clothes don't fit so well any more.

And I needed a body pillow because I've started having wicked hip/lower back pain.

Anyway. I went to the maternity store in the mall, as I needed to be fit for a maternity bra. The clerk asked my pre-pregancy size, so I told her. She measured my band size, and that hasn't changed. She measured my bust size and goes, "Oh, my!"

Well. That can't be good. And it wasn't. Apparently, I am measuring a 36F. Yeah. At 14 weeks. They didn't have any bras that large at the shop--I had to come home and order them online. At least if they don't fit, I can return them. But, holy cow. If this keeps up, I'm going to have a hard time getting out of bed or standing upright for long periods of time.

Endings and Beginnings

baby things
I know I've been quiet for a while.

Losing Polly was very hard. I brought her home today--which was also hard. The Beloved said to me, I don't know if we'll ever find another cat like her. And he's right--we may never find another cat like Polly. It will be a while before I'm even ready to look for another. It will likely be close to a year. The other three cats need some time to adjust because there are some big changes coming down the pike.

A while ago I mentioned that I had figured out why I was so tired all the time. And today I got to hear the heartbeat of our baby (the Tadpole) who is due to arrive in January. It was strong and steady and sounded really, really great.

There's a lot to do between now and January, and hopefully my energy level will start to return. PFC Sibling asked today how many baby items I've knit--she said she keeps reading about Suri Cruise's multi-million dollar wardrobe, and will my baby be in People Magazine for the largest collection of handknits in the U.S.? I'm ashamed to admit that I've been working on a burp cloth and a baby hat for the past month. I've been so tired and I just haven't wanted to knit. Plus, it's been hotter 'n hell around here, lately. God willing, the knitting mojo will return.

I'm hopeful--my appetite is beginning to return. So maybe it's just a matter of time.

Polly

Polly
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Polly is very sick. She has severe aenemia. We don't know why. The vet thinks it's a bone marrow issue. And incurable. He sent us home with some antibiotics and steroids and an appointment for Friday, but told us that if she goes comatose before then to call the office or the EVC for euthanasia. I have a sinking suspicion that even if she makes it to the vet's office on Friday, she may not make it home.

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